20 Things You Realize in Your 20s (and by "You" I Mean "Me")

1. I want a dog . . . strictly so I have someone to blame my farts on
2. I'm feeling the sudden urge to wed almost certainly because I believe my wedding will shame all other weddings with its superior weddingness and food-truck fortitude.
3. Drunk kids are obnoxious, unless it is a special occasion and I am one of them
4. Saving money is very important and also a super pain in the ass
5. Scratch that. Saving money for RETIREMENT is super important yet painful (much like cutting the financial umbilical cord to your parents) but saving money for a big purchase, and then making it, is one of the most gratifying feelings in the world. 
6. My siblings, even the one a decade my junior, might have more insight about adult life than your average therapist
7. Crash diets do just that . . . crash — likely into a heaping pile of cookie dough that never makes it into the oven
8. If I spent 1/3 of the time I spend envying other people's successes and wondering how in Christ they did it all, I might manage to do it all myself
9. Somewhere, someone is probably wondering how I do it all, and we're both wasting perfectly good wonder
10. We don't have to do it all.
11. Sometimes a GIF can say more than words ever could
12. The more grounded you are, the higher you're able to soar. (This is supposed to be a metaphor but is also literally true of trampolines.)
13. Maintaining Pinterest boards of a beautiful home is almost as satisfying as the real thing
14. Maintaining Pinterest boards of ultra-fit ladies and rich, delicious home cooking is not. I crave that body and those noms, and I'll probably never have either — certainly not at the same time
15. If someone has feelings for you and you don't reciprocate, you should tell them. It's the decent thing to do.
16. Same with picking up litter, returning your grocery cart, and offering seats to old people.
17. When did it get so HOT? When did shorts get so short? Are they related? Everybody needs to chill. 
18. While it's fun and fine to dole out relationship advice; steer clear of having opinions on break-ups
19. Even when you think you're all growed up, there will still be days that your pedicure gets chipped, you cry, and you have to call your mom. 
20. Miranda wasn't so bad